Bronze Goddess

Having seen with my own eyes the phenomenal results Kelly achieved with her airbrushed tan, today I went to see Donna at Tropical Sun to have her work her magic on me. It was cold, it was painful (try holding your arms out horizontal to the ground for 30 minutes), and it was slightly humiliating (nudity with strangers, anyone?). But, boy, was it worth it. I look exactly as I hoped I would: healthy and glowy and not too dark. And definitely NOT orange. Before and after photos of my formerly sad, pasty legs:

I Went to the L.A. County Courthouse and All I Got Was This Marriage License

An hour's drive through rush hour downtown traffic, one breakfast in a courthouse cafeteria, one walk through a metal detector, and an hour's wait and....we have a license to wed! (Is it dumb that I freaked out about posting personal info on the web and so blacked it all out??)


Included in the packet of material they gave us as we left was this helpful booklet: "Your Future Together...Health Information You Need to Know (previously titled: If There Are Children in Your Future)." It covers such topics as "Living a Healthy Lifestyle," how to et tested for HIV, and "What is Domestic Violence?" Then there's a section on planning for pregnancy, like taking multivitamins and--evidently--eating yogurt. (Did Yoplait fund this?)

But perhaps the most disturbing part was the chapter on all the horrible genetic and birth defects your baby might have (and, yes, it does address the issue of having babies with your cousin). Oddly enough, this picture of an unusually ecstatic-looking new father appeared on the same page as the descriptions of primary congenital hypothyroidism, congenital adrenal hyperplasia, and sickle cell disease.

One of These is Not Like the Others

So a couple of weeks ago my mom came with me for my wedding-day hair trial run with a gal named Cassandra who'd come highly recommended by my cousin, Shannon. The name of her salon is Technicolor, and before we arrived I asked my mom, "So what do you want to bet you and I aren't exactly going to fit in at this place?" Sure enough, it was one of those trendy salons with white, industrial loft interior walls accented by support beams painted a bright orange. Andy Warhol-inspired artwork adorned the walls, and the lobby even had those big spherical chairs that you literally sit IN--like Mork's big egg. We walked in and the receptionist was dressed all in black, had multiple piercings on her face, tattoos-a-plenty, jet black hair, and maroon bangs cut in a blunt line across her forehead. The girl coming out as we walked in had obviously just touched up her fire engine red dye job. So, basically, Mom and I looked like Mary and Laura Ingalls dropping in at the Headbanger's Ball. We waited a few minutes and then Cassandra came out to meet us. I admit a very mild and fleeting moment of panic, imagining myself walking down the aisle with a bleach-blonde mohawk, but it only took a few short minutes to realize that Cassandra--as well as everyone else in the shop, for that matter--was nice as can be. Before we knew it, we and the other black-clad, nose-pierced, fishnet-wearing girls were swapping stories and gossiping about celebrities like we were all old friends.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

This is in honor of Brandi who gave me a hilarious how-to book on pole dancing for my shower, complete with pencil drawing illustrations......

Captain is a Rockstar

I've known my friend Tom Townsend for over 10 years now, and for just about as long we've been the unofficial wedding singers of our church. We've done so many weddings together that we started calling ourselves Captain and Tennille (although some argue we're not nearly that hip and are really closer to Donnie and Marie).

Last Friday night I went out to Molly Malone's downtown to support Tom and his band, American Catapult. Matt was disappointed to miss the show, but he was in Las Vegas having an "absolutely G-rated" bachelor weekend with 12 of his closest friends. But Kelly came along, and we had a great time listening to the fantastic tunes and basking in the band's energy. Tom, Mike, Shawn, and Terry are good guys who love making good music, and their shows are always upbeat and energetic. As Kelly remarked, "They're like Counting Crows, only happier!" They are indeed. And while I've known and loved them for awhile, the rest of the world is finally getting a chance to hear them, too. They recently signed with Cooking Vinyl, and their latest album "Trees of Mystery" will be released in May--so look for it at your local record store! Meanwhile, check out their website at http://www.americancatapult.com/.

I consider it my personal mission to keep Tom humble, though. Not only was he kind enough to lead Christmas carols with me at my work Christmas lunch last year (only a true friend would do that, I tell you), but as soon as he returns from doing shows and press in Austen, Texas, during SXSW, he'll be singing in our wedding. Matt and I are excited and honored to have him be a part of our day. After all, how could Tennille possibly be in a wedding without the Captain??