Confessional

Inspired by B's "dirty little food secret" post and spurred on by Molly's plea that I shape up and make a new post already, I offer up this: A confession of my secret childhood drug habit. Yes, you heard me right. I was a preadolescent druggy, dope fiend, strung out on drugs of all sorts. There, I said it. (And I apologize now to all the mothers out there who will read about this and from this day forward live in terror of their precious little ones being just like me.)

Ah, I feel better now.

What led me to make this confession now, you wonder? I found out I wasn't alone in my secret shame. Nope, I've discovered I have a kindred spirit, a sister sufferer right in my very own circle of friends. Here's how it all went down.

Yesterday morning when I should have been devoting my time to working like a good little office bee I instead found myself trading emails with a friend who shall remain anonymous. This woman is an attractive, clean, respectable, upstanding citizen as (on a good day) I fancy myself to be. The conversation began innocently enough: I mentioned that Matt is one of those "strange anti-medicine people" whereas I am more the type to pop a Midol at the very first sign of PMS bloating, 2 (or 3 or yes, dammit, sometimes 4) Advil with just the slightest twinge of a headache coming on, etc. After all, as I told her, "If God didn't want us to take drugs why'd He invent Nyquil, the sweet nectar of sleep? Hello?" She replied that her husband is also, like mine, one of those odd creatures who shys away from drugs--prescription or otherwise.

Then the floodgates opened and before I knew it we were making confessions to one another about our own secret shame: Childhood drug addiction. (Ok, maybe that's a little strong. We're not Drew Barrymore or anything, after all.) I revealed that as a kid I would sneak sips of the grape and orange flavored Robitussin. And to snagging one or two of the kiddy aspirins that tasted like chalky cherry goodness. And to munching on the chewable orange-flavored Vitamin C tablets my mom kept in a big jar under her bathroom sink. Thinking I was dirty and shameful and sick, I tentatively hit "send."

Then in her reply she made her confession. And I let out a sigh of relief. For, friends, I believe her addiction was deeper than even mine! Not only did she sneak gulps of the cough medicine and snack on the chewable vitamins like mad because she "thought they were candy," but she'd also eat the aspirins "by the handful" and chug the Chloriseptic when her mom wasn't looking. Gads!

For those of you who may be reading this, utterly horrified and thinking this was the most irresponsible thing in the world and how our moms should have been arrested and that my friend and I should have forced sterilization so as not to ever bring more pill-popping babies into the world, take a deep breath and relax. We turned out just fine. Yes, we did. And in discussing it we eventually remarked on how dangerous this behavior truly was, blah, blah, blah, and how when we someday have kids we'll have to keep all drugs under lock and key and so forth. So don't worry.

But how about you? I'm sure some of you engaged in similar behavior. Or perhaps you have some other childhood confession to make. Let it out, you'll feel better. If you do and then don't feel better, take a swig of Nyquil and go lay down for a nap. When you wake up everything will be better. I promise.