What Were They Thinking?

This dress from J. Crew is truly horrifying. I swear to you, my mom had a brown and white Hawaiian-print dress like this back when I was about 6 and it was terrible then, too. It just goes to show that the fashion industry doesn't give a single thought to how women's bodies are shaped and what real people want to wear. Tell me, even if you were a size 0 and 6 feet tall, what would be an appropriate occasion for wearing this dress? Seriously, I think sometimes that so-called designers and fashion-knowers are just using us to play some sick, mean-spirited game to entertain themselves.

So-Called Designer: "I know a good one! How about I copy the pattern from this Hilo Hattie muumuu I bought at the Honolulu factory while on vaca back in 1972?"

So-Called Fashion-Knower: "Hahaha, that'll be a good one! Ooh, I'll put it in my magazine and advertise it as the fave new silhouette for this year's Oscar gowns."

SCD: "Brilliant! Fab! How about I also make it in a color that will give people a really deathly pallor. Say a muted mustard yellow or -- wait, wait-- orange peel?"

SCFK: "You're a god! Wouldn't it be a laugh riot if someone with actual boobs wore it out, too--like Jennifer Hudson. Or Patricia Arquette. Can you imagine it? A giant orange lamp shade on Manolo Blahniks."

SCD: "It'll be even better if I make it floor-length with a heavy ruffle at the bottom, so that even Heidi Klum would look 4-feet tall in it...."

SCFK: "You're evil. I love it."